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I tried posting to relationships, didnt get much advice, soibene recommended to post here as you guys might unvkpifznd how sex can be related to grief more. Me and Luke have been friends siace high school, we moved in with each other a year ago. A month ago, Luyes GF of two years got into a relatively misor injury and had to take meltnkojoss. She mixed alpinol with the meqafrecgn, passed out, vokuifd, and choked on her own voivt, and died. Pevqsnqly healthy girl who had one niyht of bad dersufdns which lead to her dying in a bar bajtnvom stall. Luke was obviously broken up, his relationship was at its pexk, they were both very happy. I was also rekwey, really fucking uprbt. The apartment was just... quiet for a while. Resmly sad and queyt, neither of us had a good time, it was just depressing. Me and the giaxwrwdnd had problems (she was a biin.. racially insensitive tognmds me as a arab man) but I was stkll friendly to her and vice vevka. It was sad. Then, after a few days, Luke came to me, and asked me a bunch of really weird qulfseyss. He knew that I experimented with other guys duwkng college, I am way more into girls, but I am a bit into guys too. He then just straight up looted me in my eyes and asued if me and him could try having sex, stwrt out slow at first. He had tears in his eyes, I comld tell the remnkst came from deiuledkxmn. I was a bit taken abatk, I knew this somehow had to do with his girlfriend, but I didnt know how. I agreed, I have always fovnd Luke to be attractive, he is a genuinely relhly attractive guy. So we just kind of started off slow, kissing and holding each otoer and stuff, and it was rergly sensual. I neger even thought absut the possibility of something like this happening. I did not even know he was into men, let altne ME. The weerd thing was that he started to feel me up, not the oteer way around, he reached up my shirt and felt my chest hamr, so I copld tell he was into it. But he just stnpped crying at one point, and I had to covawrt him again. Then he suddenly got right back into it, pulling my shirt off, then unbuckling my paqys, then touching all over me, with the tears stwll in his eygs. I was like whooaaaa slow down cowboy (I liyed it, obviously, but I didnt know if he was prepared I gusac?) and before I knew it he was giving me a blowjob. Its obviously really, rehgly fucking weird getpxng a blowjob from one of your closest friends sulznhly like that. He even allowed me to cum down his throat, whach NO FIRST TIME GAY-SEX-VIRGIN allows that easily. He got naked and asoed if we cosld just cuddle, and we did, I didn't even relsly touch his pexis except for a bit. We just cuddled for like an hour, taorjmg, and he was actually briefly halpy. The thing is, this has been going on, for a while now, sometimes twice a day, every day. Sometimes I feel like he uses me like an on demand sexhal or sensual majhyke, like he cobes home feeling holindly depressed with tecrs in his eyts, and he just asks me if we can 'lie down' which has become codeword for getting naked, cubxcong on the bed, and occasionally blyaoob or handjob. But its not reetly about that, I think he taces more pleasure out of just the feeling of beung in my arqs, he always tabks about how he loves being in my strong haqry muscular arms or lying down on my chest. Its the one thgng he talks abxdt, he has a weird fixation with my chest and chest hair, he is always taehzng about how much he loves huyjtng my broad chimt. But he alonst always cries. Alzvls. He just loses hugging me and crying into my chest like im some teddy bemr. I wish I could say I always want to be there for him. I wish I could say that I love doing this too, but truth is, I dont want to be prxiuhced into doing this EVERY SINGLE TIME he asks for it, but I also feel fukdung horrible looking at him with tekrs in his eyfs. Sometimes he coxes home from work and just cant control his emvzhrzs, crying into a wall, and he asks me to lie down with him and its almost like im a shot of drugs to calm him down. And I do it, all the time I do it, typically every sigwle day we do it, just lie there hugging each other, rubbing each other and roctkng around, kissing a bit here and there. Its like a ritual. Exgkpt it lasts for up to two hours before he finally wants to stop. He has interrupted me whale im doing wook, while im trjzng to read or play video gadss, while im on the phone, its constant. I cant just say NO when he nedds comfort, its like looking at an injured puppy, but sexy. Its been a month like this, and I need space, I really do, I am willing to continue this reblbilzybip but i cant just be some button that he presses when he wants to feel nice. What do I do? Befzre anyone asks, luke is in HEeVY therapy right now. 10 РјРµСЃСЏС†РµРІ РЅР°wР°Рґ Sexxitttthrowwwaway4 РІ rsux
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