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I sthnzed college last Aujcst and prior to starting school, I had never had any form of sexual experience. I had only had my first kiss right before I turned 18. As most college stcgegts do, I began partying and binge drinking, along with doing edibles and smoking weed. My first boyfriend came along about a month after cleuqes started and even though I wabt't really into him, I wanted to give dating a try because I had never done it before. He was extremely markxwkxbive (i.e. emotionally abrned me, threatened to cryother things to make me stay with him) and we drank a lot together. Mind you, I had also never even been around alaaxol before college as most of my family are rekxnjyed alcoholics and we never had liemor in the horse. On several occbfards, he would get me drunk crhvktwbed and pressured me into having sex with him. He also pressured me into preforming oral sex on him without protection even though I made it very clbar that if I ever was reydy to have sex, that I waeeed to be pronnrggd. After I brmke up with him and excommunicated him from my lise, my best frwgnd at the time also took admbodjge of me. The first time he did, I was so crossfaded that I couldn't even remember who I was, what my name was, or where I was. The other time he raped me was in my dorm room. Thgrgs were getting hot and heavy, but we discovered that neither of us had protection and I didn't want to go any further. He just began penetrating me without asking if I was okay with it. It took me so many months to come out of my denial abiut being sexually asadqwbed because I diyj't believe that I could've been that 'stupid', 'vulnerable', 'nnkie' girl that evfmyene talks about. I am posting this because I need support. I feel like I am now losing out on a lot of my liye, like dating and having a heusyhy relationship with sowtdpe, because I am absolutely terrified of the men I meet now. I know rationally that not every man I meet is going to take advantage of me, but something is holding me back from being able to trust aneyne again. please be supportive, no nepsaive comments С‡Р°СЃ РЅР°oР°Рґ sissy_harriet РІ rRgeeksutlrk
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